Call Anxiety

I sweat and sweat and sweat. Blood gallops through my ventricles.

The air trapped against my scalp grows damp with heat, so that my skull is unpleasantly sultry.

My nail tip strikes the numbers, thop thop, while the edge of the finger pad gently gives into each digit. 5. 1. 2. 3… What if what ifwhatifwhatifwhat if…

Call uncertainty. Calls happen in real time, no time to think to carefully match words, like email, no wait—calls are in the moment, there could be an unfriendly voice—calls are closer to humanhuman interaction. So close too scary. 

I tingle with heat and bloodrush. I count off the numbers on the website, 5, 1, 2, 3… hold them front and center in my mind and check them against phone screen, 5, 1, 2, 3… I speak each number out loud and flick my eyeballs between screens, triple-checking.

My ribs swell with air. Sheooooooo, it whistles out. My fingertip hovers over the green call button. Do it. No, whatif? DO. IT ok shoot shoot shoot it’s ringing, quick, slap it to ear.

Blooroooo, bloorooroooooo…

“Hello?”

 

 

Sincerely,

Isabella – 6/19/16

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