[excerpt from a piece written for the ACC Missions Handbook 2016-2017]
Carmen means ‘song’ in Latin. Carmen is dark-lit and wide-stretched. Her widely tapered eyes are luxuriant—her smile crinkles her whole face into something radiant, something nobler than happiness. Joy, maybe, at its most primal.
It leaks from her drawling hands, hands caressing the heads of the wonder-eyed chicos, who giggle then and run outside the church room, up and down the alley twice, and come back panting like furry little perros; from her hands on the chicos’ shoulders then, calming them to listen to Pastor Fernando instruct. Continue reading
Godspeed, sister, may the
constant God bless you and keep you
I always imagined Him like snow of perpetual melt, cuddling into the
corners of everything, soaking the dusts you’d
least expect Him to.
Godspeed, sister—I’m in no position to give advice, but maybe
I can offer lift. Continue reading
[inspired by post-Bolivia hardship]
Hello, I I I know you’re there I I I feel your tendrils snagging my lungs I I know you’re defeated that Christ is victorious I I STOP peel flesh off my lips with meticulous nails GO AWAY stop stealing the joy give it back! give it back I I I know it’s there it was glowing and bathing my brain with great warm waves, ecstasy, and I was drunk I I I know with Holy Spirit and perfect plan and fruition of months’ work and PURE joy happiness I I cling it back, scrape my nipples with wrists and the limbs clenching I CLAIM IT God help me, don’t you dare infect my light I I I hate your shrieking weight in my muscle-threads, you, yes YOU I SEE YOU try and stick your nozzles through my skull and pump in your self-loathing, inky, seeping oily everywhere I I I won’t allow it I I I got Jesus and the Father with their swords of flame and light and YOU WILL NOT WIN I swear it STOP my earlobes dragging my buzzing head into the dirt, beneath salt-crunched bone WHY WHY does it give you such pleasure to wring the veins?
Sorry this final update comes so late! It’s taken a while to recover physically and start to process this trip. It took quite a few hours to actually write this. This is a much longer update, fair warning… It only covers sentiments from the weekish after the trip, and even during that week things have been changing, so this is only an ad interim conclusion, if you will. I believe that God will continue to change me.
Saturday was a full day of travel, complete with customs in Houston and plenty of joking around/sharing pictures with each other. We arrived in the Austin airport around 6:40pm and Annie (David’s wife) was the first to greet us… and as our parents or spouses arrived there were the joyful reunions. Andrew tackled me and wouldn’t let me go during the entire baggage-claiming process. Love the guy. Continue reading